


In the Hour of Forty

by medomai



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-07
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-31 17:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medomai/pseuds/medomai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sora, Riku and Kairi are home on the Destiny Islands and are not taking it well. Sora thinks about purpose, Riku just wants to do something, and Kairi is lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Hour of Forty

**Author's Note:**

> Crossposted from FF.net, originally posted October 27, 2010.

_Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,_  
With my dead beat sky but this town doesn't look the same tonight.  
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere  
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive. 

_Awakening, Switchfoot_

_And in the end... We lie awake... And we dream of making our escape._

_Technicolor, Coldplay_

\---

Purpose.

Such a funny word. 

He worked the word over in his mind, so many times the syllables had lost their meaning long ago. _What did it mean?_ Purpose. 

They couldn't stand to live without it and yet so many people found it impossible to find. It wasn't always pleasant; for some people a terrible and miserable burden bending their spines with the pain, while for others it lifted their chins, straightened their backs and made their eyes shine with life. But no matter how it decided to manifest and no matter whether people were happy or sad or angry with it, it fulfilled them.

In a way, Sora hated purpose. Not his purpose in particular - he was never happier than when fulfilling his duties as a Keyblade Master - but the general idea. He hated it because he realized, after his third month back on the Destiny Islands and his first month being miserable, that since people could live with purpose, people could live without it.

While he'd always been the type to stare out the window and daydream, when he went back to school taking all manner of remedial class (and boy wasn't that surreal to sit down in a desk all day when he'd spent two years doing everything but), he couldn't stop. His teachers sent home notes and had parent-teacher interviews where they worriedly discussed his ability to concentrate and the possibility that maybe he had a _disorder or something_ and perhaps they'd send for a psychiatrist - Sora tuned it out after a couple of days. He could concentrate fine and he wasn't stupid, either; he just... didn't feel like doing the work they gave him. 

His parents, while distressed over his 'problems' in school, also seemed to realize that no amount of rules were going to keep their son inside the house and under their eye when not in school. Sora was technically supposed to come home straight after school, have supper, do his homework, go to bed at ten-thirty and get up at eight to go to school again. He never said it to his parents' faces, but... _Yeah, right._ Instead, after the purgatory everyone labeled school, he joined Riku and Kairi (sometimes with Tidus, Wakka and Selphie) in activities which varied from playing blitzball off the dock or going to the island and maintaining the tree-houses.

But after a little while, Sora realized he wasn't enjoying himself anymore. At first, it was the best thing in the world to just do regular things with kids his own age, play games, rebel against his parents and occasionally have beer around a fire with that twinge of guilt and excitement. Teenage activities that were normal, regular, expected - thrilling in their mundanity. But then came a feeling like Sora couldn't describe with any one word. One day he woke up feeling like he should be getting on the gummi ship, things were fine here, it was time to keep moving. In fact, he had gathered a suitcase full of clothes and important hygiene items before he remembered that there was no gummi ship here and that he was here to stay. There was nothing left to fight here, no Heartless to kill, no innocent civilians to save, no beaten down warriors to encourage.

Filled with that bittersweetness, Sora went to the island by himself and stayed there all day. (It was a Saturday, so there was no school even though he would have skipped it anyway.) For the first time since the world with no name, he took out his Keyblade. He examined it, practiced with it, imagined Heartless and killed them, ran his fingers over the edges. For a little while, he even just stood there holding it just to feel its weight in his hand. He went to bed that night realizing that he was heartbroken. 

So began restless nights of little to no sleep for Sora. Seeing the bags develop under his eyes and the color of his skin fade with the lack of sleep, Riku and Kairi only brought it up once. _Why haven't you been sleeping? Is something wrong?_ Sora met their eyes and slowly considered them. He never remembered moving this slowly before, this lethargically, and it only pounded the realization that something was _wrong_ deeper into his skull. _No, nothing,_ Sora had said. _There's nothing wrong._ They didn't bring it up again, but even Sora caught the worried gazes, the considering glances, the way they'd look at and through him. 

After several nights of thinking about Riku and Kairi, he saw they were changing, too. It wasn't just him. He would think over the day and realize that Riku hadn't smiled at all from when he saw him in the morning to when they split up for the night, even when Wakka and Selphie were roaring at one of Tidus' jokes (which were actually quite funny). Or the way Kairi's shoulders were hunched higher than he thought they should be, though there was nothing for her to be stressed about. The last time he'd seen Riku's eyes shine was when they'd come down from the sky and seen Kairi waving at them from the beach; Kairi hadn't encouraged them to do anything out of the ordinary, not like the projects she'd started pioneered when they were under five feet - not like the raft, to name her biggest idea. 

When one couldn't sleep, it made for a lot of time to think. With all this extra time on his hands and only a few things that mattered enough to spend hours and hours of thought on, it didn't take a lot of time for Sora to figure out the main problem.

Purpose. 

They should have thought of it right away. It was never going to be an easy transition, from Sora the Keyblade Master, savior of the worlds, friend and equal to kings and warriors all, to Sora the Runaway Kid who broke his parents' hearts and will probably amount to nothing because he has ADHD and won't take drugs to help it.

How did he not see it coming? He supposed he had forgotten what life was like here in the Destiny Islands. Not that he was against the way of life by principle, but he'd forgotten that everything about it discouraged adventure. It didn't bother him that some people were content and happy with the type of life, but he'd seen men and women living without purpose. Sometimes they knew it and sometimes they didn't. When they did know it, their eyes were always dull and lifeless, broadcasting their unspoken despair, and that scared him. But when people weren't conscious of it, they lived hollow lives, always trying to fill themselves with meaningless tasks and meaningless relationships and everything meaningless under the sun and not realizing anything was wrong with their cheap plastic lives - that scared him more.

What did that mean for all of them? What were they supposed to do?

Sora sighed and turned over in his bed for the thousandth time that night. He tugged the covers off and just lay there, staring up. He glanced out the window and the star-studded sky caught his gaze. As whenever he found himself looking at the stars, he found a smile tugging at his lips. _All those worlds..._

_Tak. Tak._

Sora sat up in bed and looked down at the ground, where he saw Kairi, dressed in jeans and a hoodie zipped up all the way. She grinned when she saw him, and dropped the third pebble she had in her hand. He opened the window and leaned out. 

"Kairi? What's up?" He checked the clock by his bed. "It's one thirty." 

Her eyes had a glint that suggested her grin wasn't entirely innocent. "Well, as Selphie always says, the night is still young. Come on, we're getting a fire going."

"We?" asked Sora. 

"Riku, Tidus, Selph and Wakka. You know - us." She mock-pouted, pretending to be offended. 

Sora laughed, his voice rough with the hours of disuse trying to sleep. "Yeah, whatever. Where is it?" 

"Does it matter?" she asked. 

"Not really," said Sora. "I'd just like to know where I'm going." 

"The far side of the island." _That place._ Sora could tell what she meant just by that look.

"At the paopu grove?" He was more confirming than asking. 

"Yeah. There." 

And then neither of them had anything to say. 

"Um." Sora glanced back into his room for a second, making his decision, and then back at her. "I'll be right down." Trying to change as silently as possible, Sora switched from his extra large T-shirt and boxers to jeans and another smaller T-shirt. After a split second hesitation, he put on a hoodie, and a jacket over that. He stood in his room, thinking if he had forgotten anything else and decided to write a note. He walked over to his desk and scribbled a message to his parents. 

_Couldn't sleep, went out. If not here, am at Riku's or Kairi's. I have my cell. Love you._

He put it on his bed, and then shut the window so wind wouldn't disturb it. Then he quietly made his way down the stairs and to the back door, where he put on his shoes and then went out the door, locking it. Sora sighed, breathing normally now that there was little chance of waking his parents up. 

"So?" said Kairi, walking over. "We off?" 

"Yeah," said Sora. They walked down the middle of the street towards the bay where they kept their little coracles. "So whose genius idea was it to boat out there in the middle of the night?"

"You have one guess," deadpanned Kairi. 

"Oh, Tidus, then," said Sora, grinning.

"Yahtzee." 

"Why did you guys go along with it again?" said Sora. "I thought we had established that Tidus's ideas rarely end well." 

"Because we're young and stupid," joked Kairi. When Sora looked put off, Kairi laughed. "Oh, come on, Sora! The fact that we all agreed kind of lets on that this is one of his less crazy ideas. And it'll be fun." 

"Fine," said Sora, but he was smiling. 

Sora wasn't honestly worried about what would happen to them paddling over to the island, but he was a little concerned about what Tidus might want to do later. Regardless, when Sora and Kairi walked to the fire they had going, nothing seemed too amiss. The four of the others were deep in loud discussion about the unfairness of Ms. Hartnell, the math teacher from the lagoon. (Or so Wakka swore up and down she was spawned from.)

Sora sat down on Riku's free side, where he was promptly handed a bottle of beer. 

"Thanks," said Sora, and took a swallow. "Wow, Riku, you bought Destiny Dark! Did you finally raise your standards from piss in a can?" 

"You're welcome," said Riku, rolling his eyes. 

Tidus snorted a laugh. "Hey, man, nice of you to join us. Why were you in bed, anyway?" 

Sora smirked at him from across the fire. "'Cause I was planning on sleeping at a decent time. Like a normal person." He playfully ignored Tidus' retort of stuck-out tongue by taking another sip of beer. 

"You mean like an adult," corrected Selphie. "You're almost eighteen, live a little! Why act like your life's over already?" 

"Yeah, Sora," Wakka joined in. "You don't come hang with us anymore! We diseased or somethin'?" 

The mood around the fire had shifted from jovial to accusing in the length of time it took to say that. When the silence stretched on for seconds, made awkward by Sora weakly shaking his head, Riku took up his defense. 

"Hey guys, leave him alone. Sora's just been having a rough few weeks, okay? So you can drop it." Riku challengingly met each of their eyes, and took a swig from his beer when all of them looked away. Kairi looked down, avoiding eye contact.

"Just asking," said Tidus mutinously. "But it's true, you know." 

"I'm sorry," said Sora. "It's not about you guys, I'm just - it's like Riku said. Just... dealing with some stuff." 

"What stuff?" demanded Tidus, but backed off with a scowl when Riku sent him a sharp look. "Oh, for - fine. Whatever."

After the painful awkwardness, Kairi coughed and attempted to switch topics. "So, back to Ms. Hartnell, you were saying something about the project, Wakka...?"

"Yah," said Wakka, jumping onto the old subject. "She's a mean old hag, dat's for sure, said I couldn't hand in the unfinished parts now or da entire project was worth nothing." 

"I know!" said Tidus and the conversation followed Tidus' and Wakka's complaining about their horrible project which they were confident they had failed badly. After Selphie had gotten a little tipsy and started giggling at everything Tidus said, Wakka looked at the both of them in concern and mumbled something about his parents. (He had also drunk a little too much and his cheeks were flushed, but Sora appreciated Wakka was considerate enough even when tipsy to try and stay quiet.)

Selphie's eyes went wide and she swore. "I completely forgot - I have to go to my little sister's piano recital tomorrow!" 

"Well, I'll go with you guys, then," said Tidus, standing up. "My parents probably aren't too hot about me being out." 

"Don't drown," said Riku offhandedly. 

"Yeah, you too, loser," said Tidus, yawning.

"You know I won't, jerk," responded Riku, and they leered at each other. It seemed the fight was forgotten, or at the very least, forgiven. The three of them walked off, swaying slightly and loudly arguing over what time it was. Riku looked at his watch and chuckled. Sora broke off staring wistfully at the departing three and glanced at him. "What? What time is it?" 

"Getting on four in the morning," said Riku, staring into the fire. "Too late for you?" 

"Not when I'm with you guys," said Sora, smiling and he leaned away from the heat of the fire. "How'd we all end up having a fire here, anyway?" 

"I invited them," said Kairi softly. "Riku said he didn't mind." 

The boy in question shrugged, all of a sudden moody and very solidly _not_ looking at Sora. "Sorry, Sora... I know this is our place... I just figured it was time..." He trailed off and just shrugged again, mild frustration dancing in his eyes. 

"Time for what, Riku?" asked Sora, leaning forward again and trying to catch his friend's eye. "I don't really mind about them being here... Not a lot, anyway." 

Riku wasn't making any effort to hide the internal struggle he was going through, but neither did he say anything. Several times Sora saw the look in his eyes and thought he was going to start yelling just to get _something_ out, but Riku remained silent for the fight neither he nor Kairi could see. 

"It's just - " Riku started and stopped. After a pause, he seemed to realize he had began, so he couldn't just remain quiet. "It's just... time! It's time for it to happen!" 

"Time... for them to come here?" asked Kairi. Rather than the actual words, it was her tone of uncertainty that revealed her need for clarification.

"Well, yes and no," said Riku, clearly still trying to find the words. "I mean... Something's changing, you guys. Or... No. Something's changed." 

When he said that, Sora felt a chill spread from the back of his head down to his toes and goosebumps everywhere he could feel. The cold rush that made you realize there was some thing going to be said that was going to change your life, forever and ever. He'd felt it only once before, on this very small patch of island. Suddenly he couldn't breathe and it was all he could do to watch Riku, inwardly panicked and excited at the same time, just waiting for what he'd say next. It was the most exciting thing he could remember since he and Riku had come home, this moment in time, waiting to hear and decide his destiny. 

"It's not our place anymore," said Riku, gesturing around at the island, the paopu tree, the ocean. "It's theirs."

Sora leaned back, though still hardly able to catch his breath and he exchanged a confused frown with Kairi. 

"This place," continued Riku, his voice getting stronger and louder in a way that wasn't just physical sound waves, "is made for dreaming. For years, we came and sat here and dreamed dreams of what's out there. Of what our destiny is. I've been thinking about this ever since we came home." He constantly switched between looking at Kairi and Sora, clearly trying to make them understand as hard as he could. "We shouldn't keep coming back here; we're not dreamers any more. We know what's out there. We're not supposed to sit here and hope for another adventure, can't you feel it? We're supposed to be out there living it already! We're late for our own lives!" 

"Yeah..." said Sora, still breathless but needing Riku and Kairi to know he understood, that these were the words his soul was crying, that he believed. "Yeah!" 

Kairi stayed silent, eyes locked on Riku's face, still waiting. He took their reactions as his cue. 

"This paopu tree isn't our destination," he said, though he reached back and patted it fondly. "It's our launching point. It's where we thought and dreamed, it's not where we were supposed to be in the end. Coming here every weekend to get buzzed and bitch about Ms. Hartnell is not what our lives are supposed to be. We're warriors, all of us!" He fiercely looked Kairi in the eyes until she hesitantly nodded. "We're Keyblade bearers - we do battle and we lead armies and we make things happen!" Riku paused here, a little out of breath. When neither Sora nor Kairi said anything, he threw his hands up in the air. "Am I sounding like a lunatic here? Am I the only one who's had these thoughts, who feels completely out of place here?" 

"No," said Sora. "Not at all." He shook his head violently, but had nothing more to add. What more could be said? Riku had said it and now that it was in the open, all he could feel was himself, drowning and wasting away in the mediocrity that weighed on him here in this world. "It's true." 

Kairi quietly cleared her throat. "I..." It came out weak and she cleared her throat again, harder. "I haven't... had the same type of journey as you two. I'm not a fighter." Both boys stared at her, waiting for the clause that would turn around the thought. She hesitated for a split second, then she looked up with fire and steel in her eyes. "But I've felt it, too. I can't live here, with my biggest dream to go to college and have a family, when I've seen worlds beyond the stars. I may not dream of swinging a Keyblade of my own around, but when I sit down and start applying for universities or doing my homework, all I can see is the castle in Hollow Bastion, or, or Olette keeping her boys in line in Twilight Town, or - " She halted awkwardly, then muttered, "I may not dream of armies, but I know this world is too small." 

There was quiet, only the fire crackling as the three of them thought thoughts of their destiny, each of the dreams in their head slightly different. 

"So..." said Sora, looking at Riku. "What do we do?" 

Riku shifted and looked over the ocean. "I... I don't know. I don't know why I opened my mouth. I have no idea." 

"Don't say that, Riku," said Kairi. "Where would we be if not for you?" 

"Yeah," said Sora. "The biggest worry on our minds would be that our parents are probably going to kill us tomorrow morning when they wake up and find us gone with each of us saying we're at the others' house." Riku's and Kairi's faces each showed a bit of ruefulness as Sora had indeed landed on the truth, but mostly deeply considering; Riku looked encouraged, at any rate. 

"Exactly," said Kairi. "Don't feel embarrassed for pointing out the elephant in the room. It's not like both of us weren't thinking it, too." 

"Maybe not in those words," laughed Sora. "Damn if you don't have a silver tongue." At Kairi's raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "My mom's phrase." 

Riku just smiled and the three of them sat and reveled in the freedom of the moment. Sora couldn't remember a single time before this he'd felt so himself.

"I can't believe I never realized how much I've been lying to myself," said Sora, not slowly nor excitedly. Just as he found the words, he said them. "Or to my parents, to my teachers, to Tidus and them, to the rest of kids at school."

Riku smiled, almost bitterly. "Like you have to make them believe you care as much as they do about graduating and going to whichever university."

"About getting that perfect job," piped up Kairi. "With the house on the street they want with the nice lawn, and having two point five kids and a dog, and coming home in time for supper and sitting out on the patio every evening."

"Exactly," said Sora, nodding his head as the three of them described the hopelessness he had felt. "It's just so... so..." 

"Typical," all of them said in unison and laughed. 

"Or routine," said Kairi.

"Or boring," said Sora.

"Let's not start," said Riku, rolling his eyes. "We could come up with a million adjectives for this place."

Sora chuckled and then there was nothing more to say. Even though he was sure every one of them understood the despairing lack of meaning he had, somehow acknowledging it with people who felt the same made it better. Like they weren't alone, that they could do something about it, together. They were on top of the world, the kings and queen, only steps away from their imminent victory. Without speaking, they wrapped themselves in thoughts of escape: unconcerned with the real hows and whys of it, but knowing that it was certainly going to happen.

They watched the fire burn down to embers, not bothering to feed it when they could see the sky lightening on the horizon. In the quiet companionship, Sora started laughing quietly to himself. 

"What?" asked Kairi. 

Sora pointed up to a couple of the last visible stars. "Just had a thought. All we have to do is head for the second star to the right and straight on until morning." 

Riku stared for a second and he put his head back and laughed. When Sora explained, Kairi herself giggled. 

They quieted down again and watched the twinkling lights until all but the morning star had faded in the cold light of almost-dawn. The joke had made Sora ache for the stars again. He had never longed to see all his friends so much before. Riku and Kairi unaware of his thoughts, visions of the people in his long journey kept walking across his mind. First King Mickey and Donald and Goofy, wherever they were, then Leon and his makeshift family still rebuilding Radiant Garden, then Hayner and the gangs keeping Twilight Town busy... The list went on and Sora could hardly breathe for the wanting of them.

"How does one head for a star, do y'think?" wondered Kairi. 

"Well," said Riku, determination thick in his voice. "Let's find out." 

Without warning, Sora saw words, familiar words, float into his mind. **Don't be afraid.** His mouth moved without his permission. "The door is open." 

Two pairs of eyes locked on him. "What?"

Sora blinked and looked over at them. "What, what?" 

"You just said 'the door is open'," said Riku. "What's that?" 

"I don't know," said Sora, but from his thoughtful frown, a grin emerged. "But I don't think we're supposed to be afraid." 

"Afraid of the darkness or the light?" quipped Riku, and Sora kept grinning, acknowledging the joke but also because he didn't think he could stop. 

"I'm not sure," he said. He abruptly stood up, walking to the edge of the grove, staring in the direction of the eastern horizon. _Something_ was happening, though he wasn't sure what. "Hey, Kairi..." 

"Yeah?" she said, and he could hear them both stand up and walk just a few feet behind him. 

"Remember a long time ago?" he asked, still staring at the horizon. "Right when this started?"

"When we were making our raft?" she asked. 

"Yeah," said Sora and he'd gone for so long without blinking, his eyes were watering. He felt as though he wasn't the only one in his head anymore, and he couldn't shake the feeling that someone else was there with them. "I asked you if you remembered your hometown, and if you wanted to go back. Do you remember?" 

"...Yes," said Kairi, and she sounded strangled, caught up in the moment that she didn't understand. Sora could sympathize; he wasn't sure what was going on right now either, but he knew he loved it so much he could hardly stand it. 

Sora turned around, facing the two of them. "Do you want to go now?" _Where is this coming from,_ he wondered, but brushed himself off. He liked it too much to ask too many questions.

" _Now_ now?" asked Kairi, eyes widening. 

"Yes," breathed Riku. 

Kairi looked between the both of them, stepping backwards a bit. "What about our parents? What about good-bye? What about getting food and clothes and - "

"Forget all that," said Sora, waving her protests away, but not rudely. "Do you want to go?"

"I..." She looked at the ground, wringing his hands furiously. 

"Kairi!" barked Riku. "This is the last chance - maybe the last chance any of us will ever get!!" 

She jolted, then stiffened. "Yes! I want to go! More than anything!"

"Then let's go," said Sora, hearing something terrible and wonderful and final in his own voice. 

Riku squinted and put a hand over his eyes right in front of him. "That can't be the sun, can it?" 

"What?" asked Sora, turning around, back to the east and saw a bright warm light on the ocean, so bright he couldn't look straight at it. 

"That's not the sun," said Kairi, though it was unnecessary. None of them had to say it. 

"That's it," said Sora, and his heart was so full of joy and adventure, knowing what was about to happen and knowing his best friends in the world could feel it too. "That's the door. Let's go." 

Without hesitation, Sora took out his cell phone and gently put it on the ground. "Goodbye mom, dad." Patiently, he waited for Riku and Kairi to do the same and then he jumped out into the water. With three splashes in a row, they jumped in the ocean. Laughing and not knowing exactly why, they made faces at each other when the bite of the cold water seeped into them as they swam towards the light.

\---

Three stars fell from the sky. As they descended, they spoke to each other. 

_How is this happening?_

_It's because our hearts are connected, Kairi._

_Not just that. We wanted to go, from the very depths of our hearts. And our hearts are the key._

**Who knows? Starting a new journey may not be so hard; maybe it's already begun. There are many worlds, but they share the same sky - one sky, one destiny.**

**Light.**


End file.
